Master Tells Jokes | Supreme Master Television

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 4 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

29:27

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 4 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

The teacher asked a student, “Why don’t you brush your teeth? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.” The student said, “What did I have?” The teacher said, “Cornflakes.” So, the student said, “You are wrong. That was yesterday.”A little boy was praying in the church. “Oh, dear God, I have a small wish. Please move the capital to New York.” A priest nearby heard him and asked him, “Why

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Master Tells Jokes

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 3 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

33:11

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 3 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

Daddy number one says, “I always stress to my kids that there must be three -sions for success: Mission, passion and vision.” OK. So, dad number two: “And the outcome?” Dad number one says again, “Alas, there is only one television in their hearts.” Kids! Only one “-sion” in their hearts, that’s television. I hope it is the Supreme Master Television.This one is really bad, even though it’s a priva

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Master Tells Jokes

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 2 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

32:15

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 2 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

Little Johnny said, “Daddy, I want to ask you a question.” After a first day in Sunday school. So Daddy said, “OK.” And little Johnny said, “Oh, the teacher was reading the Bible to us, all about the children of Israel building this temple and the children of Israel crossing the Red Sea. The children of Israel do this, do that. What have all the adults been doing?” It’s true, huh? They do nothing,

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Master Tells Jokes

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 1 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

38:41

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 1 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

(Going home.) What time? (Yes, I’m going home in two hours.) (I’m going home alone tomorrow.) Are you both going home? (No.) (Just him alone.) (My mom and I.) Just pointing at this and that. Aren’t you two going home to the same house? (No.) Why do you two look so alike, like brothers? (It was in a past life.) (In a past life.) In a past life, in a past life. Hey! You’re all going home, leaving me

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2026-04-08 2591 Views

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Virtue with Wisdom, Part 7 of 8, Feb. 24, 1996, Hsihu, Taiwan (Formosa)

33:33

Virtue with Wisdom, Part 7 of 8, Feb. 24, 1996, Hsihu, Taiwan (Formosa)

There was this guy who won twenty million in the lottery, but he had a heart disease. So his family didn’t know how to tell him, they were afraid that if they told him suddenly, he might die from the shock. Then they went to ask a psychiatrist for help. The doctor said, “Don’t worry, I know. I have a heart disease too, so I know the psychology of people with a heart disease. Let me tell him. I’ll

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Virtue with Wisdom, Part 6 of 8, Feb. 24, 1996, Hsihu, Taiwan (Formosa)

36:33

Virtue with Wisdom, Part 6 of 8, Feb. 24, 1996, Hsihu, Taiwan (Formosa)

There was a guy who was invited over to celebrate Tết (Lunar New Year); Celebrating Tết involves sticky rice cakes, ginger candies, pickled leeks, non-alcoholic beer, and all that. Yes, please. But the hostess didn’t practice the Quan Yin Method, so she was kind of stingy. She was saving her money to travel. Therefore, she treated the guest, but only halfway. So the guy didn’t have enough to eat,

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Master Tells Jokes

Virtue with Wisdom, Part 5 of 8, Feb. 24, 1996, Hsihu, Taiwan (Formosa)

34:08

Virtue with Wisdom, Part 5 of 8, Feb. 24, 1996, Hsihu, Taiwan (Formosa)

In the biography of Xuanzang, it mentioned the Quan Yin Method. Because the Quan Yin Method in Sanskrit is called “Shabda.” One of the sutras He brought back mentioned the “Shabda.” “Shabda” means the (inner Heavenly) Sound within us. Because I knew that word, I knew Xuanzang practiced the “Shabda,” meaning the Quan Yin Method, the (inner Heavenly) Sound current. But if we don’t know Sanskrit, the

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2026-02-22 2867 Views

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Everything Is Arranged by God, Part 2 of 7, Mar. 10, 1994, California, USA

34:21

Everything Is Arranged by God, Part 2 of 7, Mar. 10, 1994, California, USA

Yesterday, the one who told a story about tofu… Because I had just talked about tofu a moment ago... If it is so smoky, then close your eyes for a moment until the smoke is gone. If your nose is congested, then pinch your nose, too. He told the story that there was a monk... But I didn’t know if the story was true or not, because he told the story, not me. There was a monk who was in a house – no,

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2025-12-21 3277 Views

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The Laughing Saints, Part 11 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

30:56

The Laughing Saints, Part 11 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

“A traveler.” “A traveler named John pulled into a little town for the night to find every hotel room was taken. He pleaded, ‘You have got to have a room somewhere or just a bed. I don’t care where.’ So, the manager admitted, ‘Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have c

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Master Tells Jokes

The Laughing Saints, Part 10 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

35:09

The Laughing Saints, Part 10 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

“There’s a father who said to a friend, ‘You know, when I was younger, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper, but my son has his own color TV, phone, computer, and CD player.’ So, his friend said, ‘So what do you do?’ ‘Well, I send him to my room.’”“A young boy and his girl were embracing passionately in the front seat of a car. She asked him, ‘You want to go to the back seat?’

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Master Tells Jokes

The Laughing Saints, Part 9 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

33:09

The Laughing Saints, Part 9 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

“A Baptist preacher, a Presbyterian minister, and a Lutheran pastor got into a discussion as to which denomination Jesus Christ would belong to.” Ah, here we come again. “Each claimed that He would belong to his own.” Of course. “So, the Baptist preacher declared, ‘He would obviously be Baptist. We are so on fire with the zeal for God, just like He was when He was on Earth. He would join us in a h

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Master Tells Jokes

The Laughing Saints, Part 8 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

30:58

The Laughing Saints, Part 8 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

Yeah, fine. Up! Good boy. You OK now? You are tired? I love you. Oh, I love you. My little Liebchen (Sweetheart). Come, get up. Come here, read me a book of jokes. Do some work. Hey, Happy. OK, she wants some love.“One day, a boy was digging in his backyard, and his neighbor asked him, ‘Hey, Timmy, what are you doing that for?’ And Timmy said, ‘My goldfish(-person) died, and I’m burying him.’ The

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Master Tells Jokes

The Laughing Saints, Part 7 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

33:03

The Laughing Saints, Part 7 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

“At the end of a performance, there were a couple of extras in the play, talking together backstage. ‘What’s the matter with our leading lady?’ One actress said, ‘She seems really mad about something.’ And the other said, ‘Oh, she’s upset because she only received nine bouquets of flowers over the footlight.’ ‘Nine!’ Exclaimed the first actress. ‘That’s pretty good, isn’t it?’ The other one replie

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Master Tells Jokes

The Laughing Saints, Part 6 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

30:59

The Laughing Saints, Part 6 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

“One of the patients was very worried and asked the doctor, ‘Doctor, are you sure? Are you sure it’s pneumonia?’ The doctor said, ‘Yes, why?’ ‘Yeah, because I heard of cases where a doctor treated a patient for pneumonia, but he (the patient) ended up dying of something else.’ The doctor said, ‘Don’t worry. When I treat the patient for pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia.’” You got that? “For sure

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Master Tells Jokes

The Laughing Saints, Part 5 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

32:58

The Laughing Saints, Part 5 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

It’s terrible. No, I won’t tell you this. There’s not much. Well, something maybe funny. “A Texas farmer was visiting an Australian farm for the first time. So he asked, ‘What’s that growing out there in that field?’ So the Aussie host said, ‘Well, them are watermelons, mate.’ The Texan scoffed at him and said, ‘In Texas, we grow potatoes bigger than that. And what’s that over there on those trees

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2025-09-17 2968 Views

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Master Tells Jokes

The Laughing Saints, Part 4 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

31:12

The Laughing Saints, Part 4 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

I told you that already, I’m sure. I’m sure I told you this [one], but it’s funny, so I’ll tell you again, in case. And beware when you go watch movies or in some crowded place. “There was a lovely and shapely young lady trying to board a city bus. But she was filled with packages and bags and everything, and she was wearing a very tight dress. So, it was difficult for her to step on the bus witho

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The Laughing Saints, Part 3 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

32:47

The Laughing Saints, Part 3 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

“A husband and wife were watching a movie on the TV the other night where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband to see if he was in fact cheating on her. So, the husband asked the wife if she would ever do that to him. And she said, ‘Yes, yes, of course I would, but not so much to find out who was the other woman, but to see if I could find out what she saw in you.’”“Three men w

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2025-09-15 2994 Views

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Master Tells Jokes

The Laughing Saints, Part 2 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

29:18

The Laughing Saints, Part 2 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

Hey. Ah, this is a bad thing for dog(-people). I don’t think they should eat this. Oh, maybe have a little of this, for fun. Oh, you’d eat anything; you don’t care. Here, Hap. Goody, you want some? Here, baby. Here. Here Goody. You like that? I don’t believe it. He spat it out. I knew you wouldn’t like it. Goody. He eats more healthy food. Here, Benny. You want to have fun? Go. Oh, everybody likes

Master Tells Jokes

2025-09-14 2877 Views

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Master Tells Jokes

Celebrating Vegan Moon Festival with Master, Part 2 of 7, Sep. 27, 2015, Menton, France

30:56

Celebrating Vegan Moon Festival with Master, Part 2 of 7, Sep. 27, 2015, Menton, France

(So, the second number of our program today is our Indian brother that will tell some jokes for us.) (And make You laugh.) […] OK. Let’s hear some Indian songs. (Jokes.) Jokes? OK. The Indian people have jokes? Wow, I missed something when I was in India then. I never heard any jokes in India. I always heard something like, “hey” or “chalo.” (We tell jokes, and everybody’s laughing.) OK. Yeah.Come

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2025-02-23 3866 Views

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Master Tells Jokes

Love Is Stronger Than Ego, Part 6 of 8, Jan. 2, 2007, Düsseldorf, Germany

28:21

Love Is Stronger Than Ego, Part 6 of 8, Jan. 2, 2007, Düsseldorf, Germany

A blind man was sitting on a park bench. A priest sat down next to him. The priest was chomping on a piece of waffle biscuit. Taking pity on the blind man, he took out another biscuit and gave it to the blind man. The blind man ran his fingers carefully over the surface of the biscuit and several minutes later, he turned around and tapped the priest on the shoulder and said to him. […]I have a jok

Master Tells Jokes

2024-05-26 5718 Views

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Master Tells Jokes