استاد لطیفه میگویند | سوپریم مستر تلویزیون

در شادی زیستن، قسمت ۱ از ۷

41:05

در شادی زیستن، قسمت ۱ از ۷

“Doctor, it’s my wife. She’s screaming in pain and thinks it’s her appendix.” So, the doctor said, “John, John, John, John, calm down and go back to sleep. I took out your wife’s appendix four years ago. And in my years as a doctor, I have never heard of anyone having another one.” Johnny said dryly, “But have you ever heard of anyone having another wife?”One very hot day, when guests were present

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خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۸ از ۸

34:49

خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۸ از ۸

The school has just released the grades of the final exams. Mom asked, “Liza, I heard Rose next door got 99 points in math. What about you?” So, Liza said proudly, “I got one more point than her.” Mom was happy, “You got 100 points, girl?” Liza said, “No, I got 9.9.”A distinctive businessman, Jack, told his son one day, “I have selected a girl whom you are to marry.” Son: “But I will select myself

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خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۷ از ۸

33:49

خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۷ از ۸

One day, two schoolgirls went to the library to review lessons. Kate was helping Lily with the revision. “What’s the meaning of this word?” So, Lily scratched her head and said, “I forgot. Beats me (idiom for ‘I don’t know’).” So, Kate beat Lily and then told her the meaning of the word. A few days later, they went to the library together again. Kate asked Lily again the meaning of that word. Lily

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خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۶ از ۸

29:50

خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۶ از ۸

Sonny said to Dad, “Dad, what is creeping inflation?” His father said, “Creeping inflation is when your mother starts out asking for new shoes and ends up with a complete new outfit.” Are there such families? They always complain about women’s spending. I don’t know, is it true? (Yes.) (It’s true.) (Sometimes.)A plane is about to take off. An airline hostess announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, pleas

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2026-04-13 1167 نظرات

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خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۵ از ۸

32:39

خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۵ از ۸

A recruiting ad for a French learning class says the following, “If you find you do not like this course and want to quit after the first class, you can request to refund your tuition, but you must say this in French.” Then you have to stay. Right? (Yes.) You understand? (Yes.)A teacher said to the students, “Why did you do so poorly on the exam?” Kitty, “The degrees of my glasses are not good eno

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خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۴ از ۸

29:27

خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۴ از ۸

The teacher asked a student, “Why don’t you brush your teeth? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.” The student said, “What did I have?” The teacher said, “Cornflakes.” So, the student said, “You are wrong. That was yesterday.”A little boy was praying in the church. “Oh, dear God, I have a small wish. Please move the capital to New York.” A priest nearby heard him and asked him, “Why

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2026-04-11 1694 نظرات

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خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۳ از ۸

33:11

خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۳ از ۸

Daddy number one says, “I always stress to my kids that there must be three -sions for success: Mission, passion and vision.” OK. So, dad number two: “And the outcome?” Dad number one says again, “Alas, there is only one television in their hearts.” Kids! Only one “-sion” in their hearts, that’s television. I hope it is the Supreme Master Television.This one is really bad, even though it’s a priva

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2026-04-10 1834 نظرات

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خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۲ از ۸

32:15

خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۲ از ۸

Little Johnny said, “Daddy, I want to ask you a question.” After a first day in Sunday school. So Daddy said, “OK.” And little Johnny said, “Oh, the teacher was reading the Bible to us, all about the children of Israel building this temple and the children of Israel crossing the Red Sea. The children of Israel do this, do that. What have all the adults been doing?” It’s true, huh? They do nothing,

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خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۱ از ۸

38:41

خندیدن همراه با روشن‌ضمیرى، قسمت ۱ از ۸

(Going home.) What time? (Yes, I’m going home in two hours.) (I’m going home alone tomorrow.) Are you both going home? (No.) (Just him alone.) (My mom and I.) Just pointing at this and that. Aren’t you two going home to the same house? (No.) Why do you two look so alike, like brothers? (It was in a past life.) (In a past life.) In a past life, in a past life. Hey! You’re all going home, leaving me

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نیکی همراه با خرد، قسمت ۷ از ۸

33:33

نیکی همراه با خرد، قسمت ۷ از ۸

There was this guy who won twenty million in the lottery, but he had a heart disease. So his family didn’t know how to tell him, they were afraid that if they told him suddenly, he might die from the shock. Then they went to ask a psychiatrist for help. The doctor said, “Don’t worry, I know. I have a heart disease too, so I know the psychology of people with a heart disease. Let me tell him. I’ll

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نیکی همراه با خرد، قسمت ۶ از ۸

36:33

نیکی همراه با خرد، قسمت ۶ از ۸

There was a guy who was invited over to celebrate Tết (Lunar New Year); Celebrating Tết involves sticky rice cakes, ginger candies, pickled leeks, non-alcoholic beer, and all that. Yes, please. But the hostess didn’t practice the Quan Yin Method, so she was kind of stingy. She was saving her money to travel. Therefore, she treated the guest, but only halfway. So the guy didn’t have enough to eat,

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2026-02-23 2777 نظرات

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نیکی همراه با خرد، قسمت ۵ از ۸

34:08

نیکی همراه با خرد، قسمت ۵ از ۸

In the biography of Xuanzang, it mentioned the Quan Yin Method. Because the Quan Yin Method in Sanskrit is called “Shabda.” One of the sutras He brought back mentioned the “Shabda.” “Shabda” means the (inner Heavenly) Sound within us. Because I knew that word, I knew Xuanzang practiced the “Shabda,” meaning the Quan Yin Method, the (inner Heavenly) Sound current. But if we don’t know Sanskrit, the

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2026-02-22 2867 نظرات

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همه‌چیز با خواست خداوند مقدر شده، قسمت ۲ از ۷

34:21

همه‌چیز با خواست خداوند مقدر شده، قسمت ۲ از ۷

Yesterday, the one who told a story about tofu… Because I had just talked about tofu a moment ago... If it is so smoky, then close your eyes for a moment until the smoke is gone. If your nose is congested, then pinch your nose, too. He told the story that there was a monk... But I didn’t know if the story was true or not, because he told the story, not me. There was a monk who was in a house – no,

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2025-12-21 3277 نظرات

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قدیسین خندان، بخش ۱۱ از ۱۱

30:56

قدیسین خندان، بخش ۱۱ از ۱۱

“A traveler.” “A traveler named John pulled into a little town for the night to find every hotel room was taken. He pleaded, ‘You have got to have a room somewhere or just a bed. I don’t care where.’ So, the manager admitted, ‘Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have c

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قدیسین خندان، بخش ۱۰ از ۱۱

35:09

قدیسین خندان، بخش ۱۰ از ۱۱

“There’s a father who said to a friend, ‘You know, when I was younger, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper, but my son has his own color TV, phone, computer, and CD player.’ So, his friend said, ‘So what do you do?’ ‘Well, I send him to my room.’”“A young boy and his girl were embracing passionately in the front seat of a car. She asked him, ‘You want to go to the back seat?’

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قدیسین خندان، بخش ۹ از ۱۱

33:09

قدیسین خندان، بخش ۹ از ۱۱

“A Baptist preacher, a Presbyterian minister, and a Lutheran pastor got into a discussion as to which denomination Jesus Christ would belong to.” Ah, here we come again. “Each claimed that He would belong to his own.” Of course. “So, the Baptist preacher declared, ‘He would obviously be Baptist. We are so on fire with the zeal for God, just like He was when He was on Earth. He would join us in a h

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قدیسین خندان، بخش ۸ از ۱۱

30:58

قدیسین خندان، بخش ۸ از ۱۱

Yeah, fine. Up! Good boy. You OK now? You are tired? I love you. Oh, I love you. My little Liebchen (Sweetheart). Come, get up. Come here, read me a book of jokes. Do some work. Hey, Happy. OK, she wants some love.“One day, a boy was digging in his backyard, and his neighbor asked him, ‘Hey, Timmy, what are you doing that for?’ And Timmy said, ‘My goldfish(-person) died, and I’m burying him.’ The

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قدیسین خندان، بخش ۷ از ۱۱

33:03

قدیسین خندان، بخش ۷ از ۱۱

“At the end of a performance, there were a couple of extras in the play, talking together backstage. ‘What’s the matter with our leading lady?’ One actress said, ‘She seems really mad about something.’ And the other said, ‘Oh, she’s upset because she only received nine bouquets of flowers over the footlight.’ ‘Nine!’ Exclaimed the first actress. ‘That’s pretty good, isn’t it?’ The other one replie

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قدیسین خندان، بخش ۶ از ۱۱

30:59

قدیسین خندان، بخش ۶ از ۱۱

“One of the patients was very worried and asked the doctor, ‘Doctor, are you sure? Are you sure it’s pneumonia?’ The doctor said, ‘Yes, why?’ ‘Yeah, because I heard of cases where a doctor treated a patient for pneumonia, but he (the patient) ended up dying of something else.’ The doctor said, ‘Don’t worry. When I treat the patient for pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia.’” You got that? “For sure

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قدیسین خندان، بخش ۵ از ۱۱

32:58

قدیسین خندان، بخش ۵ از ۱۱

It’s terrible. No, I won’t tell you this. There’s not much. Well, something maybe funny. “A Texas farmer was visiting an Australian farm for the first time. So he asked, ‘What’s that growing out there in that field?’ So the Aussie host said, ‘Well, them are watermelons, mate.’ The Texan scoffed at him and said, ‘In Texas, we grow potatoes bigger than that. And what’s that over there on those trees

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2025-09-17 2968 نظرات

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قدیسین خندان، بخش ۴ از ۱۱

31:12

قدیسین خندان، بخش ۴ از ۱۱

I told you that already, I’m sure. I’m sure I told you this [one], but it’s funny, so I’ll tell you again, in case. And beware when you go watch movies or in some crowded place. “There was a lovely and shapely young lady trying to board a city bus. But she was filled with packages and bags and everything, and she was wearing a very tight dress. So, it was difficult for her to step on the bus witho

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قدیسین خندان، بخش ۳ از ۱۱

32:47

قدیسین خندان، بخش ۳ از ۱۱

“A husband and wife were watching a movie on the TV the other night where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband to see if he was in fact cheating on her. So, the husband asked the wife if she would ever do that to him. And she said, ‘Yes, yes, of course I would, but not so much to find out who was the other woman, but to see if I could find out what she saw in you.’”“Three men w

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2025-09-15 2994 نظرات

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قدیسین خندان، بخش ۲ از ۱۱

29:18

قدیسین خندان، بخش ۲ از ۱۱

این جوک مال من است، جوک خودم است؛ ارجینال است. «کارمندی برای گزارش به دفتر رئیس می‌رود. او فروشنده است. رئیس می‌پرسد: «اوضاع چطور است؟ فروش‌هایت چطور است؟» فروشنده می‌گوید، «اوه، خوب، خوب است. تقریباً ۵۰٪ از افراد، اجناس ما را خریده‌اند.» رئیس می‌پرسد، «جدی؟ چند نفر بودند؟» فروشنده می‌گوید، «دو نفر.» رئیس: «ها؟ ولی گفتی ۵۰٪؟» فروشنده می‌گوید، «بله.» رئیس: «تقریباً ۵۰٪؟ چطور ممکن است؟» او می‌گوید،

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2025-09-14 2877 نظرات

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فستیوال ماه وگان که با استاد جشن گرفته شد، قسمت ۲ از ۷

30:56

فستیوال ماه وگان که با استاد جشن گرفته شد، قسمت ۲ از ۷

(دومین برنامه امروز ما، برادر هندی‌مان، چند لطیفه برایمان می‌گوید.) (و «شما» را می‌خنداند.) [...](مردی نزد دندانپزشکی رفت…) (…دو دندان جلویش شکسته بود. بنابراین، دندانپزشک از او پرسید: «چطور دندان هایت را اینطور شکستی؟») (او گفت: همسرم با نان خیلی سفت از من پذیرایی کرد). […] (بعد دندانپزشک به او گفت: "چرا امتناع نکردی؟" او گفت: "این نتیجه امتناع من است".) […]زنی نزد دندانپزشک رفت و گ

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2025-02-23 3866 نظرات

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عشق قدرتمند تر از منیت است، قسمت ۶ از ۸

28:21

عشق قدرتمند تر از منیت است، قسمت ۶ از ۸

مرد نابینایی روی نیمکت پارک نشسته بود. کشیشی کنارش نشست. کشیش داشت تکه‌ای بیسکویت می‌خورد. بیسکویت دیگری بیرون آورد و بخاطر دلسوزی به مرد نابینا داد. مرد نابینا با احتیاط انگشتانش را روی سطح ِ بیسکویت کشید و چند دقیقه بعد رویش را برگرداند و روی شانه کشیش زد و به او گفت: [...]

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